Crossing the T
Life at the intersection of Church and Trans with Rev. Allyson RobinsonCan I Quote You? Saul Alinsky on the freedom to act
Once you accept your own death, all of a sudden you’re free to live. You no longer care about your reputation. You no longer care except so far as your life can be used tactically to promote a cause you believe in.
Activist and organizer Saul Alinsky (1909-1972)
And a thought from me: Alinsky is regarded by many to be the father of modern grassroots activism. Read his principles, and especially his 13 tactical rules for activism at the Free Range Activism Virtual Library.
(Thanks to the Bilerico Project.)
Can I Quote You? Donna Rose on what it takes to be an activist
An activist is simply someone who is moved to act.
Transgender activist Donna Rose, at her blog yesterday.
And a comment from me: Donna’s thinking raises some questions for me–questions I’d ask my congregation if I were in a pulpit this weekend:
- What is moving you? If nothing is moving you, why not?
- How are you acting in response to what moves you? If you’re not doing anything, why not?
- What do these things say about you–your true beliefs, your real values, your deepest self? Are you who you want to be?
Day of Silence
Please understand my reasons for not blogging today. I am participating in the Day of Silence, a national youth movement protesting the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by harassment, prejudice, and discrimination. I believe that ending the silence is the first step toward fighting these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today.
What are you going to do to end the silence?
Family Equality announces drawing contest winners
Congratulations to the winners of the second annual Family Equality Council “Family Drawing Contest!” First place, and a $250 savings bond, went to eight-year-old Julian fom New Mexico for his picture of his family camping at the lake.
You can see all the winning pictures at the contest website, or download the e-book Homework, Hugs and Love: A Family Like Yours, which has all of the over 50 drawings submitted and a foreword by children’s author Todd Parr, from the Council’s “Publications” page.
Once again, congratulations to the winners, and to all the kids who sent in drawings. I think you’re awesome!
They call me “Daddy”
(Great news! I was recently asked by the wonderful people at the Family Equality Council to become a regular contributor to their blog for LGBT families. I’m thrilled at the opportunity to be associated with such a great organization. Here’s my first post for FEC, cross-posted with their permission.)
In the most recent installment of their video blog “She Got Me Pregnant,” lesbian moms Dana and Helen laugh about the befuddlement many of their straight friends seem to feel over how their son addresses them. I mean, the famous Heather may have two mommies, but she certainly can’t call them both “Mommy,” right? That would be way too confusing for a child . . . wouldn’t it?
Well, probably not. It turns out our little ones are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for being. As Dana says, “Your kids are going to figure it out.” And they do, don’t they?
But what about when one of Heather’s mommies used to be her daddy?
When I began my transition at home, my partner and I worried a lot about what our kids would call me. Okay, to be perfectly honest, I was the one who did most of the worrying. In fact, calling it “worrying” is a bit of an understatement. Truth is I practically obsessed over it. I even recall a particularly vivid nightmare in which I was out shopping with my kids and couldn’t get them to stop calling me “Daddy” in voices vastly disproportionate to their little bodies. I kept ducking behind racks of clothing and trying to explain to them that they couldn’t do that–that people might find out I had once been a boy and would be mean to us–but it just didn’t seem to sink in. It felt strangely like one of those dreams where you suddenly realize you’re naked in front of a crowd of people. I woke up in a cold sweat.
As the time approached for me to transition publicly, we sat down at our kitchen table with the oldest two, who were eight and five at the time, to let them know what was ahead. I would be living as a girl all the time from that point forward, we told them, and at the advice of my wonderful counselor, asked if they would like to pick a new name to call me. A big part of the transition strategy my counselor and I developed together was to share control over things with my family as much as I possibly could, and so I wanted to offer the kids some say in the matter. We suggested a few options and waited for their response.
I’ll confess that, as the question hung in the air between us for a moment, I was really hoping they’d pick something like “Mama,” “Maddy” (the fine conflation suggested by Jenny Boylan), or even my first name. Kids call parents by their first name in all the really cool families, right?
My five-year-old daughter responded first. “I like ‘Daddy.'”
“Yeah, me too,” my son agreed.
“Then ‘Daddy’ it is,” I told them. Big hugs, sloppy kisses, and they were running into the back yard to play.
To my credit, I was so determined to respect their feelings that I didn’t feel all that disappointed. I’ve never really wanted or needed to live a “stealth” life, in which nobody around me knew of my male history. I had, however, been hoping to be able to go with my family to the grocery store or McDonalds without being outed all the time–but my children’s choice opened that desire up for a little much-needed inspection. Why was this so important to me? What was I afraid of? What might be lost by being called “Daddy” in public, and what might be gained?
I wish I could say that it’s been an easy thing for me, that I’ve never flinched at hearing my kids call to me across a crowded playground or blushed at the strange looks I occasionally get. It hasn’t, and I have. And together we’ve learned that we have to be careful sometimes (in the ladies’ room, for instance). But we’ve also discovered a few really important things about ourselves and others through it. I’ve discovered that I really amproud to be a transgender woman–proud enough, in fact, to let the whole world know it. And I’m proud of my partner and my kids, who are courageous enough in their love to own me for who I am. I’ve also learned that most people aren’t nearly as judgmental as I once feared they would be.
I’d be the last to imply that our way is the only way or even the best way for families with a transgender parent. But it’s working for us. And maybe it’s helping to change a few minds and hearts about transgender people and their families. Call it “playground activism.”
UMC to debate policy on transgender clergy
Received this week from Soulforce (emphasis mine):
In 2007, the United Methodist Church’s Judicial Council ruled that a newly-transitioned transgender pastor, Rev. Drew Phoenix of St. John’s United Methodist Church in Baltimore, could continue to serve his church, as his congregation desires. However, because church law makes no reference to transgender people, the Judicial Council referred the broader question of whether transgender ministers are eligible for clergy appointments to the church’s main legislative body, the United Methodist General Conference, which will convene in Fort Worth, Texas, April 23-May 2.
The judicial council’s ruling has inspired both inclusive and discriminatory legislative proposals. A coalition of progressive organizations within the church have proposed expanding the church’s statement of civil rights to affirm support for “all persons, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.” The coalition has also proposed amending the church’s membership rules to state: “no person shall or will be excluded from baptized or professing membership in the United Methodist Church for reasons related to sexual orientation or gender identity.”
Unfortunately, anti-LGBT organizations have proposed legislation that is misinformed and discriminatory. One such proposal comes from the leader of an ex-gay ministry:
“Therefore, be it resolved, that in faithfulness to Scripture and Christian/Jewish tradition about God’s gift of male and female, and out of deep compassion for persons struggling with gender and sexual identity issues, we do not recognize transgenderism or transsexuality as part of God’s good intentions for humankind and we oppose sex reassignment therapy (hormonal or surgical) as a solution to these conditions.”
Another piece of legislation, introduced by an employee of the right-wing Institute for Religion and Democracy, would make simply “identifying as transgender” a “chargeable offense” for clergy.
The United Methodist Church is the 2nd largest Protestant denomination in the U.S. The impact of this General Conference will resound beyond the denomination and ultimately affect conversations about civil rights.
Soulforce is organizing an opportunity for delegates to the UMC General Conference to meet with transgender people and their allies this Friday. More information is available here. Christianity Today also has coverage.
“Day of Silence” meets “Golden Rule Pledge”
This Friday marks the twelfth consecutive annual observance of the Day of Silence. From the official site:
The Day of Silence, a project of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), is a student-led day of action when concerned students, from middle school to college, take some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to the name-calling, bullying and harassment — in effect, the silencing — experienced by LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) students and their allies. This year’s Day of Silence will be held in memory of Lawrence King.
DoS has become a hotly contested front in the culture war, as evidenced by all the strategizing among conservative Christians on how best to deal with the DoS (which they see as an attempt to legitimize behavior they oppose). Some conservative leaders have called their followers to keep their children home from school on Friday. Others have sought to institute a “Day of Truth” to draw attention to their beliefs about sexual identity and gender expression and to counter the message of those who keep silence. The American Family Association has asked parents and teachers to use their influence against schools that support the DoS and to force students to abandon their vows of silence or face disciplinary action.
Recently, Warren Throckmorton and Michael Frey announced a different approach: the Golden Rule Pledge. From Dr. Throckmorton’s website:
We believe the teaching of Christ in the Golden Rule should guide our actions and attitudes regarding all. We also believe that we should work to make school a safe place for all students. Thus, we advocate students spread a message like this on the Day of Silence:
This is what I’m doing:
I pledge to treat others the way I want to be treated.
Will you join me in this pledge?
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31).
The Day of Silence cards passed out by the students observing the event will ask, “What are you going to do to end the silence?” meaning what will you do to help secure a safe environment for GLBT identified students. This group advocates that we answer that question with a commitment to their safety and the safety of all based on the teachings of Christ.
A safe zone is where the teachings of Christ are truly observed. GLBT students and peers as well as other who appear different have been the target of harassment, violence and scorn. We believe this is wrong. The church should lead the way in combatting violence and harassment in schools. A variety of options exist on the DOS, including silence. Whatever option one chooses, we do not encourage protests, divisive actions or criticism of others. One way to live out our faith is to treat others fairly and with respect.
This, I think, is a good thing.
Edit: Maybe. Alex Blaze makes a very good argument at the Bilerico project that this is unethical “counterprogramming”:
The idea is that Christians are supposed to against all violence, and that they don’t have to be OK with the gay to be against anti-gay violence.
Of course, in the process, they erase queer identity from the day, students who specifically are targeted for expressing themselves. These students need specific protection because the problems they face are unique, so countering that is problematic since it looks like an attempt to sweep the violence they face under the rug.
But it’s more than that – it’s counter-programming. And when someone already knows what one group of people has scheduled and sets up another celebration, event, or remembrance for the same time and the same people, no matter what it is, the intention is clear: to prevent people from participating in the previously scheduled event.
I need to think more about Alex’s argument. When I first read about the “Golden Rule Pledge,” my context for thinking about it was very personal. Many of my friends and colleagues (and even a few family members) disagreed with my decision to pursue gender transition on religious grounds, and I respect their feelings on the matter. And yet none of them would sanction violence against me. How, I’ve wondered, can they express their opposition to violence against me without compromising their beliefs? Having read Alex’s article, I’m wondering how joining me in my observance of the DoS would compromise those beliefs. Is it really necessary for someone to say, “I agree violence against LGBT people is wrong and should be stopped, BUT I still think homosexuality and gender variance are sinful?” Why not just say, “I agree violence against LGBT people is wrong and should be stopped?”
I would hope that Christians on both sides of this issue can at least offer one another sufficient grace to cover the complexity of it.
Another edit: Jim Burroway at Box Turtle Bulletin has written an excellent critique on the “Golden Rule Pledge” that has pushed me over the edge on the topic. He lists four problems with this response to DoS:
- It is counterprogramming.
- It appears to be motivated by opposition to homosexuality rather than opposition to violence.
- It perpetuates the false Christian vs. LGBT dichotomy.
- The “Golden Rule” cards do not actually address violence; they are too susceptible to exploitation for the purposes of hate.
Jim sums up:
The Golden Rule is one of those wonderful aphorisms which serve more as a Rorschach test than a standard. It can mean whatever anybody wants it to means, allowing it to a provide a “nice” cover for those who have no intention of changing their attitudes or behavior. It’s too easy for the Golden Rule Card to become a sanctimonious, self-righteous and passive-aggressive reaction to the Day of Silence. It allows them to claim the moral high ground — a high ground which by their definition is not a level playing field.
Thank you, Jim and Alex, for helping me think through this.
(Thanks to Box Turtle Bulletin.)
Can I Quote You? Edwin Markham on the power of inclusion
He drew a circle that shut me out —
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in.
Edwin Markham (1852-1940), poet and activist.
And a comment from me: In our fight for justice, name-calling must never be allowed to take the day.
(I discovered this little poem a few days ago. When I finally got around to researching it a bit, I learned to my surprise that today is the author’s birthday.)
Can I Quote You? Andrew Sullivan on opposing fundamentalism
I don’t think opposing fundamentalism requires that orthodoxy itself vanish. What it requires is that small space between orthodoxy and doubt that allows faith to breathe. When all such space is extinguished, when faith is about submission to an external authority tout court, when conscience is abolished or redefined as obedience, then we have exaggerated what we can claim to know about God.
Journalist and commentator Andrew Sullivan, in a post at his blog yesterday.
Woman, thou art at fault
Check out this surprisingly rigorous critique of the “New Masculinity” movement among evangelicals in this month’s Christianity Today. What scares me most about this kind of theology is not that it calls men to be bold, but that it implies women cannot and should not be.
No, wait. What scares me most about it is the way it blames women for everything that’s wrong with the church.
No, that’s not it either. What scares me most is how, by so blatantly defining Jesus according to marketing strategies (i.e. by what will bring men back to church) rather than allowing him to define himself, the “New Masculinity” movement actually contributes to the decline of the church rather than ameliorating it.
For those who would like to learn more about how the binary gender construct is screwing up the church (and basically everything else), I recommend Virginia Ramey Mollenkott‘s Omnigender: A Trans-religious Approach.
(Thanks to Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish blog.)
Crossing the T 